[He] and I grew up together. Well, we didn’t really grow up together. [He] is two years older than me and we didn’t have any classes together in school. [He] lived a few short blocks away from my father’s house and played hockey with my older brother as kids. I always knew who [He] was, but never really talked to [Him]. Until last year….
We ran into each other at one of Long Island’s famous St. Patrick’s Day parades. It had been years since we had even seen each other. We enthusiastically said hello, hugged one another, and shared a green beer. In ten minutes we managed to catch up with each other on our living situations, work standings, and relationship status while our friends impatiently waited for us to rejoin them and the drinking festivities.
[He] was happy to hear that I was no longer with The Ex, explaining that rumors were floating around about The Ex and I and how he had been sleeping with my then best friend… in my apartment… in my bed. And I thought to myself, “Why didn’t any of these rumors happen to make it back to me? Because I sure wish they had.” We laughed at what a loser The Ex is, and [He] told me how much better I could do and more importantly, I SHOULD do. We got one more beer together and parted ways for the rest of the day.
A few days later, at my sister’s for our regular Monday Night Poker Tournament Jon pulled me aside. Forgetting that [He] and Jon work together, Jon told me how [He] had been talking about me all week. Something like this, “Did I tell you I ran into Dean this weekend?”, “Did I mention that I saw Dean?”, “You know Dean broke up with her boyfriend, right?”, “Do you happen to know if she’s dating anyone?”, “Are you and Dean still friends? Could you find out for me if she would like to go out to eat some time?” I was shocked to say the least. Jon confessed that he gave [Him] my number and said that I was expecting [His] call, when in reality I hadn’t known a thing about it.
After months of asking me out to eat, and me declining for various reasons (misc. dates made prior to his and my reconnection, Mr. Perfect, and some other scheduling conflicts) I agreed to hang out casually as just friends and get to know each other. We bar hopped with a circle of his friends. We went out for Happy Hour with a few of mine. We attended a local concert, the beach for a meteor shower, and a few dozen Blockbuster/6-Pack nights.
Ever since [He] and I started getting together (as STRICTLY friends) I have been developing a “thing” for [Him]. Though, I would never admit it, because of how many times I had turned down [His] request for a date.
Tuesday night [He] dropped by unannounced. Which is more than fine with me. (I’m pretty informal myself, and don’t usually have a problem with friends just dropping by to say hello.) [He] had perfect timing, I was just walking from the stove to the kitchen table with a plate full of dinner for myself when [He] knocked on the door.
“What? Did you smell the food?” I teased. [He] laughed and told me [He] was just dropping by to see if I wanted to get a bite to eat AS FRIENDS, grab a movie and have a few beers. Instead, [He] came in, made himself a plate, and we retired to my couch with a few beers for dessert.
A few hours later it was time for [Him] to leave just as my liquid courage was kicking in.
“Hey, I have this birthday party to go to on Saturday for an old friend from high school.”
“That sounds like fun. You should have a good time.”
“Yea. I’m excited to see her. But I know there’s going to be about 15-20 people there also from high school, that no only do I have no desire to see, but I don’t really want to talk to either.” [He] laughed. “So I was wondering… What are you doing on Saturday?”
“Hanging out with you, beautiful.”
I beamed!
“Really? You don’t mind going? You won’t know anyone there I don’t think, and it might be really boring, I mean you don’t have to go.” [He] leaned in and kissed my cheek.
“I would love to go. Honestly. I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight.” [He] winked just as [He] turned and stepped out the door.
…I can’t believe I did that.
And I can’t believe its tomorrow! I’m really excited.
I attended a work Christmas party for Job #2 yesterday evening. It was nice, elegant, fancy even. Everything we as a company, are not. We had rented out a private room at a very nice Italian restaurant feasting on buffet plate after buffet place of the best stuffed shells I have ever had, we drank and we laughed, genuinely having a good time. We had been kicked out of the rented room at 8pm when the party should have ended at 7:00.
Agreeing that it was far too early and we were all much too sober to call it a night, we opted to head over to one of the local pubs for some more drinks and more laughs. Feeling out of place (and not like myself) we entered a small, casual Irish Pub. Me, wearing a backless black sweater, a gray pencil skirt, and black knee-high boots, and many of my coworkers dressed just as “classy” we instantly stood out in a crowd of men and women donning jeans, sweaters, and sneakers. I pretended not to notice how corporate and snobbish we must have appeared to everyone else. (Aside from the three men in suits near the entrance. Whom, I suspected were there on business, or had just finished a meeting of sorts.)
We stood around the bar sharing stories and holiday plans with families. The bartender seemed surprised when we all ordered beer, he even said to me “I almost expected all of the men to order dry martinis and the women, cosmopolitans.”
And I answered with a quick, “Yea, we’re not that type of crowd. We only dress like this when forced, such as the corporate costume party we just came from.”
“Costume party?” He says. I can tell he’s thinking that we’re a little behind for having a Halloween Party and wondering why we all decided to dress similarly. All twenty of us.
“It’s a costume party for us, since 95% of us had to go out and buy something to wear for the Christmas party being that none of really dress this way.” He nods finally understanding what I meant and happily hands me an ice cold Miller High Life in a bottle with a frozen glass, and I just shake my hand at the glass.
“No thanks. I prefer it out of the bottle.” He looked even more surprised.
Having been there for over an hour at this point (and had been drinking for at least five hours beforehand) we’re all getting a little buzzed. Just as I was about to turn to Vicki, a friend of mine, to tell her of the devastatingly handsome man in the suit near the door that I thought she should introduce herself to, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turn to find that man I was just about to mention standing behind me with a glass in one hand and a full beer in the other.
“Dan.” He says as he hands me the MHL.
“Dean.”
“I had a feeling you wouldn’t have a name like Tiffany, Stacy, or Mandy. I don’t know why. I just knew it as soon as you walked in the door. Before I forget to mention, I prefer dogs over cats, I’m a baseball fan, I don’t normally dress this stuffy, I’m not married or taken in any way, and I like your ink.” As he points to the medium sized tattoo just between my shoulder blades.
“Good to know. Thanks for the beer by the way.”
“So, what do you do for a living, Dean?”
“Full time office manager and a part time inventory manager.” I hesitate. “And yourself?”
“I work in advertising.”
“Interesting.” At this point, I don’t really know where to take the conversation. So I take the moment of a silence as an opportunity to take a nice, large gulp of my beer and glance around at my friends that I came there with.
“You’re very tough to read, Dean.”
“Really? Why is that?” I ask thinking to myself that I’ve been told this quite often recently.
“I’m not the first person to tell you that, I’m sure. You seem very guarded. I would imagine that if you didn’t want to talk to me at all, you wouldn’t. Because you seem very straight forward. But you also don’t make many attempts to get to know people better, and don’t always like the feeling you get when others try to get to know you.”
“Let me guess, you took some psychology classes in college.”
“Wrong. I never went to college. Nor did I ever see a psychologist, which is what you were thinking next. I am also not related to one. But I like to think that I’m a pretty good judge of character and a master at reading people. But what drew me over to you, other than you’re being stunning, is the fact that I couldn’t sum you up into any words whereas I can usually do that about a person right away. Without even talking to them.”
“So you’re a master at assuming you know people?” It took all of my energy not to roll my eyes at him.
“Ah! As much as you would love to just write me off here and now, you know that you’re still intrigued. And no, I don’t assume. Faces tell everything. More specifically, the eyes. Your eyes on the other hand, are different.”
“You’re not always right; I can assure you of that. And what makes my eyes so different?”
“They are sad. They don’t appear sad, though. There’s a difference. Someone wouldn’t look at you and think that you’ve been crying or you just got some bad news. You have not always been treated the way you should have, you have not necessarily been abandoned, though you do feel that way sometimes. And you will never let go of your past. Intrigued?”
“Not yet.”
“I haven’t given you anything worth looking into yet?”
“Ehh. Not really.” I wasn’t completely lying, but I wasn’t completely telling the truth either.
“Well, I’m a single dad with a three year old son that lives with me full time. I left everyone and everything I know to make a better life for my son. He’s the most important thing in the world to me. I hate my job but it pays me well enough to give him the things that he needs in his life. I don’t generally trust people until I’ve gotten to know them really well. That can take years. I have never been in love, or married. And I want to get to know you better.”
I am usually so quick to dismiss people. And I don’t really know why. But I decided to give him a chance. We may not get married, we may not even date. But to enjoy someone else’s company and get to know people better without passing judgment is a very important part of life. And I think I owed it to Dan and to myself to just let the night play out and see where things went.
We talked about his son and why it is that I am single. I told him why I think I am, and then he gave me his own interpretation as to why I am. We discussed the annoyance of corporate holiday functions and he guessed what my childhood was like. He mentioned numerous times that he can tell I’m smart, though I didn’t say much, and wished to know why it is that I can be so closed sometimes. He wanted to know what he could do to open me up and pick my brain. But I didn’t offer much. Because I just don’t know how to.
We exchanged numbers after almost four hours of talking and telling jokes. And that was enough for me. Because I don’t have any expectations for the future, not in terms of relationships or relationship status.
(Side Note: Dan is very sweet, we have a lot in common, and we’re having drinks on Wednesday night. But as friends. Because neither of us need anything more than that right now.)
Why do people feel so sorry for us single gals? I personally don’t think we have it that bad. Sure it would be nice to have a certain someone to share special times with, to turn to when we need support, and to come home to every night. But it’s not a tragedy that we haven’t found that person yet. Sure, we’re have our relationships along the way (well… some of us have). There’s been good times and bad times. Life lessons and experiences. Learning, growing, and changing. But everything happens for a reason. Maybe I’m not meant to be with someone right now. Maybe I need to worry about myself and my dreams and my ambitions for a change. I have more than once put my needs aside to tend to someone else. And I believe this is my time to shine. This time it’s for me. And that may sound selfish, but for someone like me, I think it’s necessary. We can’t keep neglecting ourselves to help others. It’s just not fair.
I do miss having a special someone that I could depend on everyday. But I also need to depend on myself. Because nothing is guaranteed. There’s no telling what could happen. When all is said and done, the only people I can truly depend on are myself and my family. Relationships end. There’s no stopping it. Sure, you can have your soul mate and be together forever. But there is no such thing as forever. As bitter as it sounds, someone has to die first. I’ve learned this at an early age. I watched my father in despair as he buried his one true love, his soul mate, his best friend. My mother. Neither of them thought their marriage would be so short. But it taught me that no matter what, there is no promise that someone will always be there for you to look after you, help you, guide you, care for you. You have to be prepared for the unexpected. Because you don’t want to be put in a vulnerable situation. You can always count on yourself. And that’s all there is to it.
I do hate coming home to an empty apartment every night. I have my dog. That always helps. But it can feel very lonely. I have been living on my own for the past almost five years. (Yes, I moved out an early age. And not by choice.) But I have always had a roommate or lived with a boyfriend. This is my first time living by myself. It can be kind of nice. No one to clean up after other than myself. No one to answer to if I don’t to the dishes until the next day. Electric, water, and phone bill has dropped dramatically. I can have friends over for drinks and not worry about someone in the other room trying to sleep. (The Ex never hung out with my friends. He always just went to bed when they would come over and then bitch and moan in the morning about how we were loud, and up late, and he was trying to sleep, and we made a mess, yada yada yada. He never liked any of my friends. Well, that’s not true. He obviously liked one of them. He liked her a lot more than I would have liked.)
I feel that I am some-what lucky to be single right now. I think this might be the best time of my life to be single. Now I can do the things I want without feeling like I’m being held down. I can travel. I can pick up and move on a whim if I want to. (And I do want to.) I am free to just go out and about and do the things that single females my age do. (Without the sleeping around. I just don’t have it in me. Maybe I’m prude for it, but I can’t sleep with someone unless there is some significant kind of connection.)
I don’t know about all you other ladies, but I am enjoying the single life.
….For now anyway.
Rocker called me last night. “We really need to talk… In person. I’m coming over tomorrow night when I get out of work.” I so badly wanted to say “Well, what if I have plans?” I don’t. But still. He didn’t even ask me. He just said it was important. The first thought that came to mind was… He’s pregnant. And it’s mine.
I get to work this morning and I have an e-mail waiting for me. It’s The Ex. He’s broken it off with MY (ex)best friend. Which is so typical. She’s due to have his baby this week. (I’m assuming she didn’t already have it…) He wants to talk too. He’s moving back to NY and “misses me.” The e-mail was a few pages long. He asked me for my new cell phone number and how my family and I were doing. Then he tried to give me the sob story about how he doesn’t have a job, (Ex)Best Friend broke his heart, he misses “us” and so on and so on. I sent a two sentence reply.
“Sorry to hear that. Where’s my money?”
BGF (Best Guy Friend) called last night also. He confessed his love to his friend from school. She denied him. “Doesn’t want to ruin the friendship” or some bullshit like that. He’s sad and needs a friend. I was there for him of course. As I always will be. But he’s back to NY this weekend also and wants to hang out and talk about “things.” This seems to be the week of “talks” with everyone. I’m not even the least bit worried anymore.
CC Guy and I have a date this weekend. I’m so very excited to see him. He promised not talk about me moving in with him anymore and agreed to just take things as they come. That made me feel so releived. No pressure anymore. Just fun times like we’ve always had. He’s escorting me to a gallery showing where I’m showcasing some of my art. This is his first time seeing anything I’ve done, and the first time my work has been on display ANYWHERE in the past four years. I’m nervous, anxious, and ecstatic all at the same time. We’re meeting his parents for drinks after the showing. I’m not as scared anymore, because I know that I have the control. Just dating. Nothing serious. Not now anyway.
And while all this is going on, I’m not even stressed. Normally I would be going crazy. But in the past week I’ve really had a lot of clarity. Makes for an easier way of life when you know exactly where you’re at, where you want to be, and where you’re headed. It’s going to be a good week! No one is going to ruin it for me.
I’m not going to limit myself to just one person right now. I am far too young to be “settling down.” Not that there’s anything wrong with settling down… Because there’s not. I just feel like since I can remember I have always been in a serious relationship. I’m twenty-one years old for Christ’s sake! I need to learn more about myself, learn about the world, learn about people, travel to different places, and experience new things before I can really commit myself to anyone right now. There is so much I want to do and so much I want to see that I feel if I am in a serious relationship I will give it all up. Hell, I’ve done it before!
So this is my promise… I will continue to date random people and tell you all about it. Because I just need to.
There are no dates lined up just yet. But it is Thursday and the weekend is quickly approaching. If there are no dates to be had, I’m sure I will at least meet someone new to talk about on Monday.
Oh yea, and tomorrow night I’m going to see Rocker’s band play. They’re having a show at a rooftop party in Brooklyn. Should be pretty good. But I’m not there to hang out with him. I am strictly there to see his band. I really enjoy their music (and he’s not bad to look at on stage either) and I’m going with a girlfriend. I’m sure if I don’t have the balls to go talk to someone at this party she will do it for me. She lives for that. She’s no longer single and she yearns for that excuse to talk to a cute guy she meets, and now she can do it on my behalf because she knows I can’t always do it myself.
And I do hope to talk to someone new. Someone cute. And if Rocker should see and get jealous, well then that’s his problem. He missed out on a good thing. Again, not that I want a relationship but we had fun together and that’s all that mattered to me. But he had a hard time knowing that I was dating other people and wanted him to date other people too. He should have just let it go and enjoyed the time we shared together. Because I know I did.
Should be a good time. I will report back. Hopefully with good news!
